How often have you heard a woman complain about the behavior of her husband at home? I am sure these talks occur pretty much at every place where there are more than two women sitting.
As it turns out, the complaining women are not just the gossip mongers, but are actually stressed out in their life. And much of this stress is felt not because of the kids; rather it is the husband who creates so much of tension in the mind of a woman. Before you think that we are simply playing along the “Marriage is stressful” card and saying it casually, then we would like to tell you that we are talking about it all on the basis of a study which has come up with some interesting results.
1The said study
Today conducted a survey of 7000 mothers in the US and according to the survey an average mother rates her stress level to be at 8.5 out of ten. And for almost 46% of the women, husbands are a much bigger source of daily stress. Most of the moms feel that dads of their children are not equal partners; instead, they themselves act like a big kid at times. Some of the other findings of the survey are mentioned below:
• Most of the mothers feel the steam because they do not get enough time to get things done on a daily basis.
• Around three from four women with partners say that most of the household and parenting duties are performed by them only.
• One in 5 mothers says that the major portion of their daily stress comes from their spouse who doesn’t really help them out.
2Why are husbands the source of daily stress for married women?
Being in a marriage where there are kids involved is no easy task for sure. The stress of a woman increases when she feels that she is the only one who is doing all the household work by herself. Mostly, a woman is expected to be the chef, maid, chauffeur, teacher, nurse, special events coordinator and all of that at home. Even when she works outside of the house, she is the one who is still supposed to handle all of this. And when women don’t get any help from their partners; that is when they feel stressed out.
3Why do women feel stressed?
Frankly, there are many angles to this entire problem. One of them being the fact, that when women perform all the duties by themselves, they feel that things are perfect when in their control. And this often leads to a situation where they don’t trust their partner to do things as perfectly as they desire everything to be in their house.
Then the inability of their partner to help them in running the house makes them feel that their spouse is not an equal partner. When people feel the steam they usually let it off by doing something for themselves, but for a woman who is running a house and who is parenting the kids, this opportunity seldom comes. And this certainly adds to all that
4What all can be done to reduce stress levels?
Though we are not in any position to give counseling lessons to you, but when we have talked so much about the stress that is felt by women, we feel it is our duty to at least give some solutions to this problem.
1. Communication is the key:
Whenever there are issues between people, they should first and foremost talk about it all. Nobody is ever going to know what all you are facing if you do not talk about it. So, take the first step and communicate to your partner.
2. Plan out the tasks:
Make a list of the household tasks and try splitting them according to the comfort of every party involved. Planning and scheduling the tasks well in advance gives you the time to be ready for everything that needs to be done. And with this, you can take the help from your spouse in a pre-determined manner which causes less stress in general.
3.Husbands can contribute more
As husbands, you need to understand that your wife works very hard on the house and kids and if at times you can take some of the load from her shoulders, she will not just be thankful but will also be grateful for a husband like you. Your steps in this direction will not only help her out in general but will also go a long way in ensuring that your relationship remains super strong with your better half.
4.Wives can step back at times
As wives, you need to understand that it is okay at times to take some time out, for yourself. Not everything has to be perfect every time! If you are in the right spirits and can do it all perfectly, then there are certainly no issues, but if you feel that in making every little corner of house shine, you are losing the sheen from your life, then it is time that you rethink about your crazy schedule. Try and make time for yourself so that you feel better. Just remember one thing-‘You cannot make anyone else happy if you are not happy.’
5.Put the spark back in your relationship
Oftentimes the relationship between partners takes a back seat when they become parents. They feel that all the energy needs to be given to the kids and kids only. But you need to understand that you were partners before you became parents and that relationship too needs to be taken care of. You cannot always just run around making things perfect for the family as a whole, you too need to feel the love that should be felt in a marriage.
Remember the time when you were newly married and you felt so much enthusiasm for your relationship? Now obviously, that phase cannot totally come back, but you can at least try to bring some spark in your relationship so that you flourish not just as parents, but also as partners and individuals.